Renewal: Or How I suddenly got my Desire to get Shit done back.

I'm sitting here typing this on my mom's laptop while sitting at my brother's desk, thinking to myself either "What should I write about tonight" or "How should I go about trying to do more of (insert thing I like doing here) in a much more efficient manner". Usually my thoughts are much more of a chaotic mine field of randomness than what is currently going on that the time of writing. But for some reason, these last few days have served to be an exercise in both a renewal in my desire to write as a way to express myself and an increased willingness to do so. I even have some ideas for some writings that I've had kicking around in my head for the last few years, but never had the chance to fully bring to paper/word document because of my aforementioned writer's block. And said writer's block is the result of losing my drive to pursue such avenues and because of a rough couple of few months.

These past few months haven't exactly been the best for me. I had at the time been given news of my rejection to a college program that I had been working towards for the past two years, and wasn't really taking it all that well. Combine that with several difficulties when searching for full-time employment and it serves as a recipe for great frustration with a bit of desperation, self pity and perceived anger at myself for screwing up and at the same time disappointing the rest of my family. 

It wasn't until my 21st birthday nearly a month ago that I decided to let go of all that perceived negativity surrounding myself and just get on with my life like I should have when I first got that admittedly sucky news. This helped improved my mood and decided to get back to the job hunt in January (because, ya' know really close to Christmas and places aren't really needing full time workers that time of year and whatnot). Wow, that got kind of dark. But it's a thing I feel like I needed to get down on this page in order to give an understanding of how I feel right now in regards to where I'm at right now. 

As a result of this, I'm going to go about with the research needed to makes some of these works a reality (and to give them the attention and hard work that they deserve). I have a feeling things are gonna start getting better. 

Now, enough of the heavy stuff. Let's have some pancakes